How It Used To Be
by YellowFlower
Summary: I wanted to live a life of simplicity, certainty, and, maybe just for once, a life of sanctity. Bra wants the mediocre life, but can't get there on her own. GB, Rated T for room to grow.
1. Getting Started

**Everyone always says that I'm as beautiful as my mother used to be.** Sometimes I wish I didn't look like her. Don't get me

wrong she was the most beautiful woman I know, but I think that maybe if I looked a little more like daddy, or if mom had never died,

that daddy wouldn't keep me locked away. I'm like that princess who longs to be loved by that lowly servant her high and mighty Mr.

Hey You father would never let her be with. I always seemed to be sitting in the highest room in the tallest tower and never once had I

seen the outside of the palaces walls and never once had I even tried to leave. I feared what would wait for me on the other side of

those stone walls, maybe some drunk who is looking for a good time or maybe a woman looking for me to join her gang of street

walkers. I couldn't risk it, I always had to fear the worst and know that it didn't get any better than inside these walls where I could be protected.

As a child I was always taught to be submissive to a man, but as a young woman I realized that life wasn't completely about giving the

men what they wanted. I wanted more than to be married, have six million boys (because of course my forced husband would never let

me keep the girls around.), cook for family and order maids to wash my palace. I wanted to see from the east side of the planet to west

and from north to south. I wanted nothing more than to be in love and be loved, to have a life before children. I wanted to have a

husband who wanted so many things out of life, about as much as I wanted or even more. I wanted to live a life, even if only for a

moment, where no one called me Princess and no one was down on their hands and knees tending to the countless bouquets in my

room or washing the floors my family scuffed up on purpose. I wanted to live a life of simplicity, certainty, and, maybe just for once, a

life of sanctity.

"Bra, what are you doing?" My father called from outside my door as he rapped on the door with one enormous powerful fist. "I was

just getting ready to take a bath." I lied. I knew that if I told him I was thinking he would tell me that it useless. My father thought that

what I meant by "thinking" is that I was contemplating liberation. "Hurry up," He roared. "You're brother's leaving in a few minutes." I

gasped, threw my hair in a messy bun, and tugged at my clothes to make it look like I had just thrown them on. "Trunks' leaving so

soon?" I panicked running into my father. Daddy rolled his eyes and headed toward what used to be the living room.

My father had his ups and downs, but since Trunks was leaving to train elsewhere to become a stronger man my father hadn't let single

emotion grace his once affectionate clad face. My mother's death took the greatest toll on my father and no once did he let us even

speak about her, not for a few years anyway. I remember hearing each and every heartfelt sob come from his room. I remember seeing

the glazed eyes I never thought I'd have to, I mean, he was _my _daddy and _my _daddy was the most powerful man alive. He didn't cry,

not for himself, not for anyone, boy was I wrong or what? I remember daddy holding my head to his heart and telling me that weakness

would be the death of him and if I had a brain in my head I wouldn't let weakness into my heart.

I hurried right after my dad almost stepping on his heels. I quickened my pace wanting so badly to beat my father to the Trunks.

Trunks and I hadn't been that close lately, but for some reason I felt like he understood me. I mean he never admitted his feelings, not

since he cried over mom's body that one fateful, or should I say fate_less_, day. He hadn't shown a single emotion except for anger and

hatred since then. He used to be so sweet, not like candy or like ice cream, but like Trunks. He always wore a bright smile on his face

and a heartwarming giggle hidden under every single one. After mom, his everything changed. His heart released the warmth that it once

held to keep it pumping. Everything grew cold inside him, not a smile was cracked, just those evil, mischievous smirks. He never

laughed and he never used the L word. Take a wild as to which L word, lilacs? No. Lesbian? I wish. He never said love anymore, not

to me, not to anyone. And whatever emotion was feeling he kept it bottled inside him. I can't help, but lie awake all night, every night

and think about how it used to be between him and I. I mean, how he was aloud to tell me that he loved me and that he would protect

me from the cruel world. Once he was even aloud to kiss me in front of Dad. And when I didn't understand why he wasn't aloud to

himself in front of daddy, we fought. if mommy died we would've never fought, he would've never made me cry, I would've never f

orced him to undergo a kick to the groin, but then again, I guess, after mom we both became problem children.

"Trunks!" I called as I tackled him in a bear hug I hadn't given him since he and I were young. "Get off me." He scolded and pushed

me away instead of attempting to hug me back. Trunks put up this wall when we were around dad. I knew he would've accepted the

hug had we been alone. Dad always thought it would emasculate Trunks to have such weakness in his heart. "Bra." My father said

sternly indicating that my actions were as my father put it, "extremely unnecessary and those kind of actions wouldn't be tolerated." I

cleared my throat and took a step away from my brother. He held out his hand first to me, but I didn't take it. That's not how family

says goodbye, is it? When I didn't accept the hand shake Trunks directed his hand toward my father and my father took it with pride in

his eyes and hope in his heart. My father expected no only the best, but the greatest out my brother. Trunks hadn't even had time to

find a mate and his life was passing him by, as much as I tried to envy Trunks I just couldn't bring myself to it. I did love him with all my

heart, but that day,** I promised myself I wouldn't let my life pass me by. **


	2. What's a family?

A few weeks after my brother left my father started talking of my marriage. Of course, I protested to every single man. Why would I

want to marry so early? Didn't what I say matter? Obviously not, because every day after that a man came to check me out. It was like

I was some vehicle on display.

"How many miles?" says the miscellaneous man.

"Unused, believe it or not." Says my very loving father.

"Mated? I assume she isn't." says the misc. man thinking he can touch my hair.

"You assumed right, my good lad." Says my loving father scolds me for slapping the misc. man.

"She's got an attitude on her, sir." Says the misc. man observing the snarl on my face.

"That'll be no problem," starts my loving father trying to persuade the poor unsuspecting man.

"No thank you, I'm looking for something more…submissive." Says the misc. man heading to the next princess lot down the street.

My father always yelled at me for not wanting to marry and settle down. I believe eighteen is an extremely perfect age to explore the

world, possibly even my heart. I wasn't going to run away to get these things, I simply had to persuade my father, correct? Well no.

My father always told me he was all I had left, Trunks left the nest and I needed to leave before Trunks returned with a mate, so I

could rule my own kingdom. "I don't want to rule my own kingdom." I whined; I might as well have been lying tummy down on floor,

kicking my legs and pounding on the floor with my fists, screaming like a child who didn't get her way. My father wouldn't listen to me,

but I hadn't given up hope! No way, no how was I going to lose this battle…maybe.

A few more misc. men decided to check out the new ride, but I wasn't going to accept being put on display any longer. My father

decided instead of the usual look and go, he would engage the next family, by inviting them all to lunch at our castle. "So, Ms. Briefs,

are you interested in having kids?" The Prince's mother asked facing the fruit on her plate. I looked up from my plate, gave the

sweetest smile and said, "No, I plan on cutting my womb out the night of our wedding." I kept the smile on my face and watched the

faces of shock turn my way. The Queen's husband laughed and said, "She's got a sense of humor, Aoi! I like that." His laugh sounded

like he smoked all his life and his posture was the worst I had seen in my life. So men got to be unsophisticated, but women? We had

to be prim on proper every second of everyday. "So, Princess," The Prince spoke to me. "Have you picked out names for children?" I

looked up with the same smile and said, "Oh, of course. There's Manami, Karen, Ai," The prince cut in, "Those are all girls names."

He said as if it were a terrible thing that I wanted to have a female child. "Duh, you think I'm going to keep boys?" I laughed like having

boys was the silly thought. I snorted to make the fake irritating laugh even more unattractive.

When the family left my dad didn't speak to me. He didn't speak to me for days, actually. I was starting get worried that maybe I really

had taken it too far. I said one thing too many, I had broken the last nerve I was allowed to stand on. I kept an eye on his; I made sure

that I didn't create the same affect that mom's death had. I always kept daddy proud of me and made sure that I was the light of his

life. I wanted him to know that every whack attack and every crying fit was worth it in the end. I guess, what I had set out to do ever

since I could remember, I had crushed when I crushed that family's hopes of finding their boy's mate. _"You're an idiot, Bra, idiot, _

_idiot, IDIOT!" _I scolded myself as I paced the hallway waiting for my father to come out of his room so I could talk to him. When he

did come out of his room I tried to stop him and tell him that I apologized for disappointing him, but he brushed right passed me before

I could get a single word out of my mouth.

I followed my father down to the dining room and he sat at the table where he used to sit when we were a complete family. When I say

complete I mean, alive and well mother, happy and immature Trunks, goofy and oblivious to my future, me and happy, but disciplinary,

Daddy. He sat there and he stared at where his plate used to be set when mommy came out of the kitchen. I wanted to say anything

because he looked as if he was on the verge of tears, but he was _my _daddy, right?

I turned to leave when my father called after me, "You know, when you were little and mom was, around," He said hesitating to say

'alive'. "You always used to tell me that you weren't scared of growing up. You weren't scared of anything." I turned back to him and

he looked as if he was a cement statue. He didn't move his arms, his legs, or his facial expressions. "Dad, I'm not scared of growing

up, I'm not scared of being married," I could feel tears welling up behind my eyes as spoke. "I'm scared of marrying someone I don't

love, I'm scared of mothering children I'll feel resentment against, because they were the reason I sat back and watched my life fade

away.And I'm scared, most of all, of that exactly. Watching my life grow from something I had a chance to mold into something I threw

away. I'm not a kid, I don't think monsters are made of chocolate anymore and you can just pick them up and eat them if they try to

get you. I'm a woman and I know that monsters aren't tangible. I know they're wedged deep in heart and only the only way you can

pry them out is to overcome them. And the only way to overcome my monsters is to do with my life what I will. I love you, Daddy, but

my life can't be this putty ball in the hands of my unwanted husband. You loved mom when were married right?" My mistake, my father

slammed a fist into the table, hard enough to give a warning, but soft enough to leave no marks. "Sorry," I apologized quietly. "All I'm

trying to say is that I want to feel love and I want to be loved without compulsion, that's all. It's unfair to me, if I can't at least once in

my life, have that." My father stood up and walked passed me and then shouted. "Sometimes, life just isn't fair." He stomped up the

stairs and into his room. With a slam of the door, my father had no reason to talk to me until the return of my brother.

Trunks walked through the door that day to find the disturbing presence of animosity between my father and I. Trunks held a hand out

to me, but again, like the six months before, I didn't accept it. My father again took it and said, "I'm proud of you my boy. Do you

think you'll be able to get back out there?" He said it as if Trunks looked like some beaten up homeless guy, but the truth was: Trunks

looked great. There were a few things that had changed about him, but that's okay. He's still my big brother and no matter what, I

wouldn't battle him for my father affection. I think.

For the first time in a whole forever we sat down at the dinner table together, the only thing missing was mommy. My father looked at

Trunks then at me and said, "Let's talk." What? Let's talk about what? Was he going to have a heartfelt moment with us that would

return us to our same old selves? The same kids who loved without boundaries, cried scared tears, who didn't care if the world knew

their hopes, wants, and dreams? We'd never be those kids. Not ever again. Trunks was the first to speak up, "About what, sir?" My

father never aloud Trunks to call him dad; it would emasculate him in some way I couldn't understand. "Let's talk about this family."

My father said bluntly. "What about us?" I asked rolling my eyes. "We haven't had a family talk since," I didn't want to say "since

mom died." So I said, "Well, since forever." Trunks looked at me with a nice save look and I raised an eyebrow that said, "Thanks."

My father looked at both of us and said, "We should start acting like a family again." Trunks stared at the table, I stared at the table

and dad looked at both our faces. I'm not sure how I felt when he said that, but I know it didn't feel good.

I lied awake in my bed and thought about all the screaming that occurred a few hours earlier. Trunks yelled at my dad, my dad yelled

back, I yelled at them to stop yelling and I just got screamed at. Trunks tried to tell my father we had always been a family. As much as

my father and I wanted to believe that, we knew deep in our fear filled hearts that, that statement wasn't true. It's just that no one had

ever stated the fact that we weren't a family for the last ten years. I can't explain what exactly we had become, but we weren't

anywhere near being a family. Not since mom died. She would always schedule a family get together every now and then, but for some

reason, I don't remember ever seeing her family there. I remember the Son family. Trunks always used to play tag with Gohan and

Goten, but they always got in trouble because someone went over board and fired off an energy blast. Whatever happened to them?

They were one of the many other royal families we had lost touch with. I remember having the biggest crush on Goten, he was always

so funny, and it was hard to believe he was royalty. He made me feel like maybe being of the highest power wouldn't be so bad. I wish

I could see him again. I began to nod off thinking about every time Goten made laugh. I thought about his smile and the way he snorted

if he laughed too hard. I really, really had to get in touch with him. He made everything in life so much sweeter. Everything in me and

around me but, I mean he's probably mated by now, right? I hoped not.

Thank you for reading, I didn't leave a message in my last one, but thank you for your feed back, good or bad. As long as the bad is constructive. I couldn't do without Trunks' character if you couldn't tell. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, but it is 4:28 in the AM and I am I tired goose. I love every single one of you and your feedback. -A


	3. Time to Get OUT!

I'd like to give thanks to rwolflover, Alexis and Rose Lily Potter for giving me positive reviews! 

The next morning I awoke feeling groggy like maybe I had crying all night. I stumbled over to a mirror and looked at the bags

beneath my eyes and wondered how much sleep I had actually gotten. I took a deep breath hoping that maybe it would

stabilize the sour feeling in my stomach. I went the bathroom hoping it would help, but no such luck. _What's wrong with me? _I

thought as I staggered out of my room, down the stairs and then a rush of a sugary sweet delight hit me like a ton of bricks. I

smelled strawberries, bananas, pancakes. Never had I smelled anything like this ever since… "Mom!" I shouted, booked it

down the stairs, through the living room into the dining room and saw everything I could've ever wanted, except her. Dad and

Trunks stared at me as if I'd gone insane, "What?" I snapped angrily. Why was I angry? Did I really expect to see her sitting

there? After so many years of being stuck inside my head, all the tears and anguish, why did I always have to set myself up

for disappointment? Maybe the reason I felt so sick, was because I needed her or something, any substitute would do,

anything that could at least settle the butterflies.

"Why did you scream?" Trunks asked as he just _happened _to grab the same piece of cantaloupe I was reaching for. "What?" I

asked at first trying to blow off the fact that I hadn't even said anything, and then I realized I couldn't blow off a huge yelp

like that so I just rambled on about a complete nothingness that didn't have anything to with a single thing and ended with,

"Whatever. Who cares anyway? Shut up." Dad and Trunks looked at me like I was insane and I would've explained to them

right then and there why I was speaking nonsense, but one, Dad wouldn't understand and two, Trunks wouldn't have the

same reaction he would've in private. "So what's all this, Dad?" I asked filling my plate with bananas, strawberries, mangos

and other countless fruits and vegetables. "A family eats together; we'll eat together every day, three times, once in the

morning, once in the middle of the day and once at night." Trunks rolled his eyes at me. That simple gesture asked me why I

even bothered to let that question pass my lips. Something I couldn't help, but think was, "No matter how hard you try to

force this family thing on us, it's not going to work. It's been so many years since mom's death, so many years of yelling,

screaming and fighting, nothing will change. Why would you even try, dad? After so long, there's just no turning back." I

looked up and saw both Trunks and dad looking at me like I had just wished the worst upon everyone. "What?" I asked

poking the food on my plate. "Did you really just say that?" Trunks questioned looking at me and then at dad. I just made an

uh-oh.

Yeah I actually said it and I wish I didn't because after I did my father looked at me. I'm not saying he looked mad, his

eyebrows weren't even turned down….I KNOW! His eyes were almost colorless and empty, I mean I could taste the anger

and it wasn't even broadcast across his face. This was a whole different kind of anger, his eyes tugged at my soul, his heart

touched mine, his livid spirit was gone and it was all my fault. I remember him standing up with such a force that the chair

tipped over and made an unforgettable crash against the floor. He didn't say anything, he just stood there and let the

essence of the moment, I was hoping to avoid, soak into my skin. I don't know why it was so hard for me to accept the fact

that dad wanted things to be as wonderful as they used to be. Why was I shooting every single one of his attempts down?

As his eyes burned into my soul, I realized that, maybe, I was the one scared of moving on. Why? I didn't understand, but I

couldn't keep doing this. I started to apologize, to tell him that I would stop being childish and that I was on board with him.

He yelled at me, I didn't even get say that I apologized, he screamed then he said he didn't care what happened anymore. He

told me that if he had to look at me one more time he would beat me to death, I wasn't going to take my chances. I went up

to my room and that would be the last time, for a long time, that my father would have to see my face.

Okay, so this chapter is long overdue and for that I apologize…severely. So I'm going to give you two chapters tonight. Again, 

severe apology. And I hope you enjoyed it…somewhat at least. –YF.


	4. Found himand her?

The only way I could sneak out was to wait for everyone to go to sleep. I crept down the stairs and out the large double

doors, which I couldn't open by myself. So I took an alternative route and hopped out of one of the first story windows. Let

me tell you something now, I don't know why daddy hired guards because all they do is sit around and play cards hoping that

nothing bad happens because it if did they wouldn't be prepared! So useless guard one and two were easy to pass; now all I

had to do was get outside the last set of castle walls. _Are there guards out here too? _I asked myself because, well, I never

really knew what was bordering these walls.

I pushed a big wooden door with all my might and finally got it open. A guard jumped to attention and said, "Princess, what

are you doing out here?" I look around for other guards and found he was the only one. "What's more important to you: your

job or your life?" I asked looking him dead in the eye. The guard fell silent as if he couldn't decide between the two options I

had given him. "Answer me." I demanded sternly. "My life is more important, your majesty." He finally answered getting on

one knee and tipping his face toward the ground to show submission. I smiled and said, "I was never here, you understand?"

Then I realized that I had no fake identity picked out. What would I tell people my name was? What if they recognized me? I

reached down and pressed my palm to his shoulder indicating he could rise. "I'm going to need your jacket." I stated simply

and watch as he gave his jacket without hesitation. I placed the jacket around my body, saluted the guard and took off on my

way.

I came to a small town and looked around at all the rundown buildings. I pulled the hood on the security guards jacket over

my head and kept walking through the town. People kept calling things out to me and I couldn't understand why they were

talking to me in such a disrespectful manner. I walked into a place I hoped was a hotel, instead I saw women everywhere

nude and dancing. I sat at the bar and the bartender walked up to me. "What can I get for you?" he asked placing a cup in

front of me. I looked up at him and said, "Anything cheap." I looked at him and couldn't help, but think that I've seen those

eyes somewhere. They were big and dark, I felt like I could get lost in the black abyss that I was staring into. And I realized,

"Why aren't looking away?" I asked still looking into his eyes. "You remind me of someone, I know this is cliché to ask, but do

I know you from somewhere?" He asked laughing and shaking his head placing a cup of something in front of me. "I doubt it."

I smiled and drank whatever it was; I immediately felt a stinging in the back of my throat and made a sour face. "Drink often?"

He asked sarcastically. "All the time." I answered back with the same expression. "What's your name?" He asked pulling the

drink away from me and giving me a whole new one. "I'm not really sure." I answered simply. "What's yours?" I asked

following up my answer quickly. "What do you mean?" He asked leaning into me. I assumed he was trying to hear me better.

"It's a long boring story." I said sipping on what I recently learned was soda. "I have time." He said smiling a white, bright

smile. "Tell me your name first." I demanded still not sure if I was even going to tell him my story. "Goten Son." He stated

simply. And the smile was wiped off my face. I sitting right in front of someone I had been longing to find. He had no idea who

I was, but the good thing is that at least he tried to remember me. "Are you okay?" He asked looking at my pale face. "We

used to play together when we were little." I said, "You were best friends with my brother and I had the biggest crush on

you." It might have seemed a little odd to just say things like that, but I couldn't hide my identity from him. "Bra?" He asked

hitting the nail right on the head. I smiled wide, but his facial expression fell into shock. "You can't be here." He stated a little

panicked as he hopped over the bar and grabbing my arm. "Yo, Mic!" He called out to a large, scruffy man. "I'm ganna kick it!"

Mic gave Goten a thumbs up and he pulled me out of the bar.

"Hey!" I shouted as he tugged back the way I had come. "Do you know where you are?" He asked angrily. "Does it matter?" I

asked not giving him another chance to speak. "I've seen you for the first time in like a decade and you're already bossing me

around. You're just like everyone else. I can't go home, I can't be here, tell me where to go!" We stopped walking and he

turned to look at me. "I'm sorry, little girl," I remember him calling me that when I was younger. "But you're in the worst part

of town and I can't have that. Tell me what you want to do." Finally someone was giving me options. "I 

want catch up with you." I said simply smiling. Kami, it tasted so good to finally make my own decisions. He looked at me and

shook his head as if to say, "Knew it."

We made our way to a whole different neighborhood. I looked around and everything in complete amazement. I had no idea

there were different kinds of classes, well I did, but I didn't understand how widely they varied. People with no money had

nothing, people with a little money had something and my family had everything. "Why are you in this neighborhood

anyway?" I asked looking at the red door of a white house we pulled up to. "We're here because this is my home." He sighed

as he said it waiting for my reaction. "What? What happened to your mom and dad? I thought you lived on the-…" He cut me

off my tugging my arm so we could get inside. "Yeah, Bra, I know where I used to live," He stated bringing me to a yellow and

white kitchen and sitting me down. "But something's kind of changed." He said hinting to some kind of disaster at his home.

"Why are you here? You should be with Trunks and your parents." He put a pot of water on the stove. "What things

changed?" I asked trying to keep the focus off me for now. "No way, little girl, I answered your question you answer mine."

He said coming to sit down with me while the pot heated up. "Okay, one, I'm practically 30 now, so it's Bra and two, things

changed at my house too." I said severely over exaggerating my age and severely under exaggerating the situation at my

house. "Okay, you are so not 30." He laughed and stood up to get the screeching pot off the hot burner. "What happened at

your house, Goten?" I asked taking a sip of the tea Goten set in front of me. "What happened at your, little…Bra?" He asked

laughing at the fact that almost said it again. "Nice save," I started blowing in the warm cup. "I thought it went, I ask you,

you ask me, then I ask you again, then you ask me again." I said stating the sequence of our interrogations on one another.

"Fine," He said giving in. "How can I say this simply? My dad passed the thrown off to my brother and my dad's usually the

understanding guy, but when I told him I wanted to wait for marriage, became a lot less understanding I was thrown out until

I find someone." He looked into his cup and watched his reflection. "Do you bartend to make money then?" I asked even more

curious. "First, tell me what happened at your house?" He looked up and smiled one of the fakest smiles I'd ever seen. "I

need to be mated as well, I turned down every man my lay before me and he didn't like that. You know, daddy and his

temper. Trunks and my father don't know I'm gone yet." I said doing the same as Goten had done before and I suddenly

realized why he had. Maybe he was searching his reflection for the same reason or not, but I looked at myself searching for a

soul. I wasn't sure if I'd found one before he asked me the most heart breaking question to date. "What about your mom?"

Figures, no one knew. No one ever questioned why there weren't royal get togethers and I guess our family just assumed

they knew the cause. "My mother's dead, Goten. She died when I was 8, do you remember the day your family came over and

so did the Kuri's and we just got our new pool?" I waited for him to nod. "That night my mother went to bed and never woke

up." I didn't look him in the eye because I knew I would start crying. I heard him sniffle which compelled me to look up. We sat

there for a moment, almost as if to take that moment of silence for my mother. I knew I was thinking about her and by the red

and moist eyes of Goten so was he. Men on this planet didn't cry, but this time I could understand. While we sat in silence

there was a rustling at the front door. A raven haired woman opened the door and shouted, "Honey, I'm home." She giggled,

but then I heard the voice of a child. "Mommy, we're home!" The child shouted unsure of what his mother said. The woman

walked in through the door looked directly at me and pointed. "Who is she?" the beautiful woman asked Goten, not getting a

very good look at me. Both her and I were looking at him for an explanation, but were met with a shocked look on his face.

Someone with the screen name YellowFlower is a very TiredFlower. Cheep joke, but I'm tired and I don't care. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, people do read and review, I'd appreciate to the max. To the max, who says that? I kind of like it. Anyway, I do love all of your opinions and I do appreciate constructive criticism. R&R beautiful readers.-YF 


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